u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I am available for nakedness
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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