My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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