Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
