I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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