These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
