he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
