i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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