My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize