i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
