Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
