Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize