You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
