girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's rum buckets o'clock
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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