Your tits are I can't wait for
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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