i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
