So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
