I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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