I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
