If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Randomize
