saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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