He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
