And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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