Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
