piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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