I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
