just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's shark week go big or go home
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
