Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
