He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
