when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
