Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
