i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
