I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
