You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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