i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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