Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
