I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
