we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
