god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
