she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
