you're like a bully in the Christmas story
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
