I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My bed smells like the plague
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