filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Alive.
So much puke
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize