Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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