when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize