Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
