I'm eating all of the evidence.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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