Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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