I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Blood and glitter go together right?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
