Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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