You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
