there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
