I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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