You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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