why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
