I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
you had me at cake vodka
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
