I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
