just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
