booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
