if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
