he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize