if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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