i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
