I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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