Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
