I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
smell my finger.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
