Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
