So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
