if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
