I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
