I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
